In These New Times

A new paradigm for a post-imperial world

Relax! The Swine Flu is the Least of Your Worries

Posted by seumasach on November 7, 2009

Surfing the Apocalypse

6th November, 2009

I’d just like to share the good news that in spite of all the stories that are coming out about the very questionable safety of the swine flu vaccine, that’s no longer a cause for concern. Now that the media have told us that there is a shortage, the only important question is “How can I get my hands on it?” And now that the media have admitted that the evil banks have already reserved vaccine for their employees, the next most important question is “How come those nasty banks get priority over me?” We have to thank the media for making it so clear that safety is no longer an issue.

I’d also like to lay to rest once and for all any worry about the fact that Obama has declared a state of emergency. Yes, it’s true that everybody thought that the whole Bush strategy of declaring a state of emergency for 8 consecutive years, so that martial law powers could instantly be invoked, was all behind us. And okay, it’s also true that the last state of emergency just expired on 9/15 and Obama reinstated it as of 10/24. But what makes it completely different now is the fact that *Obama* only did it to protect us from the swine flu. O’Bama’s folksy, friendly state of emergency bears no resemblance at all to Cheney’s creepy, evil state of emergency. So just forget I mentioned it, because clearly this is no problem whatsoever.

And it has been confirmed that, once it was documented that this latest virus had a very low mortality rate, on 5/9 of this year the World Health Organization (WHO) changed its definition of “pandemic” to drop the requirement that there be a high mortality rate, so that on 6/11 it could declare a pandemic anyway. And yes, this does give them the power to issue orders to the health authorities of all UN countries for such things as compulsory vaccination with punitive fines and quarantine for refusers. But it’s only “tough love” to make us protect our health. What other motive could an organization like WHO possibly have? Instead of being paranoid, we should be grateful, stop all this questioning, and just do everything they say.

And when, in January, an officially designated H1N1 vaccine manufacturer *admittedly* “made an error” that produced and shipped large quantities of “seasonal flu vaccine” to multiple countries, that turned out to be lethal on test animals and contained highly contagious live viruses, this was just an isolated example of a “mistake” and absolutely nothing for us to worry about. There’s no sense wasting time wondering how that kind of “error” could occur under the highest existing security protocols designed to make such errors impossible. We all screw up sometimes, right? Forgive and forget. I’m sure nothing like that will ever happen again.

And okay, maybe national governments have granted vaccine manufacturers complete legal immunity from lawsuits for damages due to their vaccines, allowed them to use untested additives, and exempted them from the usual safety testing, but they’re only taking those kinds of risks because they love us so much that they want to rush to protect us from this horrible flu that it takes the vast majority of people *three whole days of discomfort* to recover from. And if the only way to protect us is to expose us *all* to vaccine ingredients that have been proven to permanently maim and kill, well, they’re not going to allow mere concern for human life to stand in the way of our protection. So what difference does it make whether we have any idea what’s in the vaccine or not, or whether it’s ever been tested or not, the important thing is that we have complete trust in the government to take care of us (no matter how you may choose to define that last expression).

It’s really humbling that so many powerful people are so intensely concerned about our welfare that they will let no law prevent them from ensuring us their protection. So between the powers conferred on WHO during a declared “pandemic” and the powers conferred on the executive branch of governments during a “national emergency”, the people of the world today have every reason to feel *super safe*. I know I certainly do.

I can only hope and pray that just as all this wonderful national and global protection is gearing up to “take care of us”, the wacko conspiracy theorists don’t ruin everything somehow with their outrageous paranoid fantasies. So please feel free to circulate this reassuring message as widely as possible, without attribution.

We’re all in this together!

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